Law jokes

How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?

B minor.

What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?

They both try to get there before the hair does.

Why do mostly younger orphans get adopted?

Because who wants a traffic an adult?

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?

The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"

"No."

"Have you always been honest?"

"No, never been caught!"

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A. The little girl in my trunk.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.