Law jokes

What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?

Joshua Metcalfe

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.

The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!

How did the man in prison escape?

He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?

I haven't been caught.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

I'm in school lol.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.

What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?

Alien vs. Predator.

What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?

One is wanted and one's not.

Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.