A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
Why do orphans become criminals?
To know what it’s like to be wanted.
What's red and got makeup all over?
A Bill Cosby victim.
When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?
What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?
Criminals are wanted.
What's young, red, and has hot PTSD?
Prince Andrew's victims.
What's America's best class?
Gun 101.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they like to feel wanted!
What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
Only one is wanted.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To feel what it is like to be wanted.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
