Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
Space therapist in between the e and the r.
The rapists!
Why did the orphan go to jail because he could finally have a home
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
