Law jokes
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
Memes
Dishwasher rape is another word for marital obligations.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.
What is a woman doing with an empty sheet?
Reading her rights!
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!