My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
Law Jokes
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
What do you call an American house?
A gun safe.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
