Law jokes

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.

Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 was a 6 offender.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

What does a pedophile call an orphanage?

A supermarket.

A man walks into a bar... Oww!

Why can't an orphan be a criminal?

Because they aren't wanted.

What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?

I haven't been caught.

Why can’t orphans be married?

Because they won’t have their parents' blessings.

What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?

At least outlaws are wanted.