What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
We should stop.
Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?
The boomerang!
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
