Law jokes

Why can’t orphans have sex?

'Cause they have no one to call daddy!

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.

Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 was a 6 offender.

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

Why do orphans become criminals?

So they can become wanted for once.

Why did the prisoner run away?

To spit bars.

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?