Law jokes

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?

Me & my dad!

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 was a 6 offender.

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

We should stop.

Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?

The boomerang!

Why did the prisoner run away?

To spit bars.