Law jokes

Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?

He was stealing all the samples.

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?

Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he’s dead.

What’s one good thing about a pedophile?

They drive slow in school zones.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

'Cause they have no one to call daddy!

Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?

Me & my dad!

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"