Law jokes
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
REBEL!!!!!
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
Why did the orphan become a criminal? It wants to be wanted.
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know a pedophile,
And he says he knows you.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
I would give you a thrashing, but that would be animal abuse.
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
It's not incest if you're adopted.