Conductor jokes
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
Which train is loaded with bubble gum?
A chew-chew train.
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?
It couldn't stay on track.
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.