Law jokes
Justice for all!
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.