Law jokes
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
You know what's so horrible about this website?
When I mimic another person's account, the picture ALWAYS changes color. No more identity theft for me.
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.
October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.
What do you call a group of jumping Mexicans?
Border hoppers! LOL.
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.
When is a rape victim right?
When she admits she lied.
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"