Law jokes
When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.
Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.
Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"
Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."
Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"
Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."
Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"
Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know a pedophile,
And he says he knows you.
Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?
A. Neither does R. Kelly.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.