Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
