Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
Law Jokes
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Police: *Arrests me*
Why did the chicken cross the road? To run from poachers.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.
That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.
In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.
I mean, I don't see why not.
When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.
Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.
Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"
Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."
Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"
Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."
Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"
Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
