Last jokes

The last two presidents of the US.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cabbage.

Cabbage who?

Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.

The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

What’s the last balloon George Floyd blew up - his heroin ballon

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

Karien: Don't care. You know what you did.

Jalie: I don't know what you mean. I did nothing! I'm telling the truth!

Karien: Sure. So you mean you never texted Oerien last night around 2:00 AM?

Jalie: NO, I NEVER DID THAT!

Karien: Jalie, stop the story telling. You were the one who had my phone yesterday. Just stop.