Last jokes

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

Dude, your last name sounds like a seafood shop, Jordan C.!

Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.

This is my name: watersharky!

If at first you can't succeed, then wait to be the last!

The CCP have managed to achieve in making Covid last longer than the Great Wall of China.

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

The last two presidents of the US.

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."