Last jokes

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

The last two presidents of the US.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cabbage.

Cabbage who?

Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.

What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?

"Pop Goes the Weasel."

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"