Last jokes

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

The last two presidents of the US.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cabbage.

Cabbage who?

Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"

Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."