Last Jokes

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

So little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test, his mother and father gets home and he tells them " mom I failed my math test" his mother aggressively says "get the belt" Johnny says "why?" His mother says "im gonna spank you for failing" Johnny says "so just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night

I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say... THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!

Why are Japanese always so skinny?

Cause last time there was a fat man an entire city disappeared

Three men walk into a bar.. you would have thought the last one would have ducked

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, 'I can't breathe, I can't breathe !'

I just told him straight: 'Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes.'

What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.

Before Marriage Boy:At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even thing about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍 After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

I will always remeber my dads last words.... "15 dollars and ill jump."

A lady walks in to a dentists office, sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the lady replies; last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out

In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last

i will never forget my girlfriends last words..."get off of me STOP"*slurp*...Dead

I will remember my biker buddies last words ̈Why did you cut in front of me ̈.

Your hair is so far back you left it at your last address

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan nah jit trippin you thought i had one

James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long You wait to smash, for me and my girlfriend it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.