Last jokes

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.

What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?

"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."

I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.

Battery 1%.

I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.

Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.

What was the last thing that went through the 9/11 jumpers' heads?

Their ankles.

Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"

Because it doesn't matter your age.