Language jokes
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?
Student: Apple!
Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?
Student:....Bitch...
What is the giant's synonyms?
Fi, fo, fum.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
Memes
Let's learn arabic!
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
My sister keeps cursing... so I made fun of her... "fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk", fowl language is for chickens!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!