What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you, that is who.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"
Wanna hear a long joke?
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!!!
Did you know that the letter "f" in "orphan" stands for family?
There are 25 letters in the alphabet, and yet I don't know why.
What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Answer: Ho Lee Fuk.
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
