Language jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby C D E F G!
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.
Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"
"Baka Johnny, fat baka."
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.
Why can't two Asians make a white kid?
Two wrongs don't make a white.
What do you call a bitch? A dumbass, hahahahaha.
Alpha Kenny body?
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Africa spelled backwards is Acirfa, which means absolutely nothing. But Acirfa spelled backwards is Africa, which is a word.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
You just made a Mist-ake.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
What do you call a Muslim bee?
Habibee.