Kill jokes
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.
If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Memes
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.
"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."
Yo mama so fat, she was the asteroid that killed the dinos.
One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.
But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"