Kill jokes

They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!

They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

Why did the pencil want to kill himself?

He had no point in life.

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

How did the inkjet printer kill himself?

He drank cyan-ide.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

How does the non binary kill white en Amy?

They/them.

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

Osama bin Laden

Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

Why did Kenny die?

Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?

"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"