Kill jokes

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

How does a skeleton kill a bug?

They SOCKET!

*America shoots down balloon*

China: "You killed an innocent man!!"

USA: "What?!"

China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

Yo mama so fat, she was the asteroid that killed the dinos.

"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.

Smoking a fag in the UK means to smoke a cigarette.

Smoking a fag in the USA means to kill a homosexual.

“Wanna smoke, kids?” is an offer to do drugs.

“Wanna smoke kids?” is an offer to kill.