Kill jokes

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

What is the difference between Obama and Osama?

Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.

Bin Laden's relatives were killed in a plane crash, lol.

When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.

Foxy is red,

Bonnie is blue,

And Golden Freddy will kill you.

Why do you like cream instead of bugs?

Because bugs can kill you.

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.

Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!

What would an emo say to someone to make them join the EMO side?

A: Go kill yourself!

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

Kill yourself in anyway. I'm doing it the HIGHway.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To become roadkill.