Kill jokes

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

I killed a man in '94.

Person: You can't kill an orphan!

Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?

What would you do if you were killed?

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.

*America shoots down balloon*

China: "You killed an innocent man!!"

USA: "What?!"

China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."

They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!

They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

What would an emo say to someone to make them join the EMO side?

A: Go kill yourself!

Foxy is red,

Bonnie is blue,

And Golden Freddy will kill you.

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

Kill yourself in anyway. I'm doing it the HIGHway.

What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.

Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?