Kill jokes

I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:

If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

What do you call a white kid who kills another?

Russia vs Ukraine hahaha.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."

The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.

Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?

Why did the school shooter earn extra points?

Because he was on a kill streak.

How do you kill Hellen Keller?

Take her on a walk off a cliff.

"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

Why was 6 so afraid of 7?

7 killed 6's parents.

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.

When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."