Kill Jokes

how many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression

A person told an orphan to not move otherwise they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do? It danced it's a$$ off

You have five seconds to kill me 1.. 2... 3... 4- thank you i can rest now- WAIT HOW AM I TALKING??????????????????????

Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table 25+ kill streak

Ms. Norsworthys chompers are so big they killed a kid once

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white women he chopped her up and put her in the woods the suck fuck.

Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

if u r a big fan of me go to the move and i kill the badguys a if u dont i will be mad and i will be sonic .exe lol

:can I borrow a book how to kill myself

:librarian. No cause you won’t bring it back

My sister said to kill myself so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die

i asked my mom if i was adopted she said no why tf would i adopt you and i said im gonna kill my self and she also said make sure you do it right this time

they killed a whole family of crows.. it was a murder!... they killed a bunch of ravens..what a conspiracy!!

How does a skeleton kill a bug? They SOCKET!

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.