Kill jokes
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.
Yo mama so fat, she costs 15 elixir, and 3 inferno towers can't kill her!
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?
Why was 6 so afraid of 7?
7 killed 6's parents.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.
Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.
Why would Tommy kill Philza's wife just to make Phil believe she didn't exist?
LIKE AND SUB IF YOU LI/j
Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.