Kill Jokes

"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan Mosque." Damn thats a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

*God creates dog* God: "You are man's best friend"

Dog: "That's pretty sexist"

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

My parents telling me: "What doesnt kill you makes you stronger." Me upset about my suicideattempt doesnt succeed.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Why would tommy kill philza's wife just to make phil belive she didnt exist

LIKE AND SUB IF YOU LI/j

Person: So you know that persons name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dea Friend: Yeah John Wilkes Booth Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln. Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot

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3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

So There was a male whale and a female whale swimming threw the ocean .One day the male whale sees a ship and says "that's the ship that killed my parents" . So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea. The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive so he opened his mouth and went for the man but out nowhere the female whale yells. " HEY!!, I was in it for the blowjob but I'm not gonna eat sea men"

If you drink hand sanitizer does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed "I want to see your face again mommy...". A miracle happened, his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said "I want to see you too dad". He looked at his father's grave but nothing happened

Suddenly a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked "were you looking for me?"

Why did billy kill himself with a tv remote? He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.

Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go! If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder) will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian? That was my brain teaser for you guys! make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)