Kill jokes
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Why is Kyle Rittenhouse the Ultimate Crime Fighter?
Because in one night he killed a pedophile and a domestic abuser.
What's the most common thing between Hitler and an emo?
Hitler knows when to kill himself!
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.
I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
Why is Mercury so hot? I know, because the sun is killing Mercury.
If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
Gwen, just take Tj as your boyfriend. Gah, just do it so he won't kill himself! Prince will be fine without you!
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.