Kill jokes
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Memes
He is cominggggg!
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.
Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
Why would Tommy kill Philza's wife just to make Phil believe she didn't exist?
LIKE AND SUB IF YOU LI/j
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
Bitches be like "Kill all men" till a black guy dies.
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”