Kill

Kill jokes

Canoe

    • Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

    While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

    So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

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    • Kill memes

    Friend

    • My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

    Me: I got 60 kills!

    My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

    Me: What's Call of Duty?

    Milk

    • I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

    Pen

    • I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

    Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

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    • Sister

    • Hi guys, jokes for sister.

    So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.

    Hitler

    • Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

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    • Pineapple

    • Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

    The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.

    The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"

    The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

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    • Sex

    • One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.

    Conductor

    • A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

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    • Snail

    • One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

    The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)

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    • Rape

    • Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.

    What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.

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