Kill jokes
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.
Yo mama so fat, she costs 15 elixir, and 3 inferno towers can't kill her!
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.
Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.
Why would Tommy kill Philza's wife just to make Phil believe she didn't exist?
LIKE AND SUB IF YOU LI/j
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."