Kill jokes
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
My granddad killed Hitler.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.