Kill jokes

When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

What did Bonnie say to Chica?

"Go kill yourself, dumbass bitch."

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

Call of Duty kill cam be like.

This is the best kill streak ever!

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer.

What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.

Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.

How do you make a builder cry?

Kill his family.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?

- A VEGUN.

A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.