Kill jokes
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
A killer gone up to 5 people and killed 4 of them. There were 2 couples and 1 third wheel. The 5th one was left single out...
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?
Call them retarded.
Why did the boy shoot the clock? He wanted to kill time.
Trump and Anakin Skywalker have something in common: they’ve both killed a lot of sand people.
What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?
He killed everyone on this f#cking website.
When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.
Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.