Kill Jokes

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

My initials are K.M.C

Which could also stand for Kill Main Character.

Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.

I’m writing an autobiography.

What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions???

Answer: Expresso!!! (KILL MEH)

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

Don't do suicide shit nearly killed me tbh 🙏🙏🙏🙏

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed and they all went to heaven. God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said,"I want to be handsome. " God granted his wish. The second guy said,"I want to be more handsome than the first guy.", God granted his wish. "The third guy said " I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish and this continued on and on until the 15 ugly guy.The ugly guy was laughing. Really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something, SOMEONE will laugh. Say: This word isnt gonna be funny until i tell you, your probably not going to laugh. *your friend* whats the word? *you* finger *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not every one laughs, so dont feel bad if they dont. Also dont be surprized if you get put in jail for murder, because your going to kill someone with this.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.

She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.

My girlfiends a porn star

She kill me if she found out

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self control

Why did hitler kill himself?

He didn’t want to pay the gas bill

My true hero is the person who killed Hitler

1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

3 men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live, only if they could achieve one thing. They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first person returned with apples, the leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1....2 he screamed. The next person came back with grapes, 1,2,3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing, he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well, "well i saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples"