Kill jokes
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.
Have a sink in your house? Eat it.
Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.
Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.
...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Why did the pencil want to kill himself?
He had no point in life.
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
I killed myself, then woke up.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.