Kid jokes

Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.

Kid goes to the kitchen.

Mom: What are you doing here?

Kid: Just checking out the knife.

Mom: So you've chosen death.

Why are autistic kids a stupid, brainless, special freak?

Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?

A: You're the chairman of the board!

Kids- it's time for Dora.

Kids- YAY!

Nick Jr. host- Today Dora is going on a big adventure with Grandma.

Swiper- Hello kids, I am trying to find my way to Diego's. Will you please help me?

Kids- Where's Dora?

Swiper- She's under cardiac arrest.

Kids- Poor Dora.

Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING!

Swiper - AH MAN!!

He's a Fortnite kid, haha!

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.

It’s like I always tell my kids:

"Two in the pink, one in the stink."

What is the difference between a human and a magic house to get to a tree and a house to get to the earth to get home 🏡? Day today I have to get my kids and oooooo.

What’s kid Among Us?

Sugoma dik!

Why do kids want to become cops? They want to find the guy who touched them.

What do boobs and toys have in common?

Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.

Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.

Kid: Runs home.

A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...

If you know, you know.

Why did the van cross the road?

To get to the school for the little kids.

Some bread teacher: What will Reddit be in a few years?

Dumb Kid: DEADit?

Bread Teacher: You get an FY for FUCK YOU!

Bread Teacher: It will be BREADit!

Student: Hah, that's VERY funny! Might as well go to DEADit so I can die of laughter.

Stan Lee walked into a school one day.

Just kidding, he's fuckin dead :(

How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.

“NO NO NO”

I’ll give you some candy.

“Oh ok🤩”

Is crummy bears alright??

Why did the lil kid cut himself?

Answer: Because he was emo, HAHHHAHAHAHAAHHA!

I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.

Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!