Kid jokes

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?

Milkshake.

Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!

Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.

There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.

The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"

So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.

Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.

But if you're vegan, you call him food.

If you're poor, you eat the skin.

Kid: I'm hungry.

Dad Bot: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

Teenager: I'm Hitler did nothing wrong.

Dad Bot: Hi Hitler did nothing wrong, I'm dad.

Nazi: Finally!

What do boobs and toys have in common?

Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.

Joseph Jackson wants Michael's kids to tour as the Jackson 3.