Kid jokes

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

What did the downs kid get on his math test??

Drool.

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

You give them a Sandy Hook.

A starving homeless kid asks me for food.

I said, "sorry, my plate is full."

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

...just kidding-

- none. They can't change anything.

What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...

Just kidding.

Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."