Kid jokes

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?

Because they have cancer.

Dad, why are we here?

Because you're not loved.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?

Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.

Stranger: Do you need a doctor?

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?

An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.

What do you call an autistic kid with a rocket ship? A cocker.

Why can’t the disabled kid live on the corner?

Because he’s disabled.

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

How do you surprise a blind kid?

Put a plunger in the toilet.

If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”

Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.

Orphans: YAY!

5 minutes later...

Orphans: Wait... where's the...

Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*

Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe

What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?

Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.

Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?