Kid jokes

What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?

Kids can take both.

I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.

The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."

So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."

How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.

What do you call an autistic kid if he was short?

A short tistic.

Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?

He made the cut.

Dumb kid: What does homework mean?

Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?

Me:

"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"

When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.

By the way, have you seen my sister?

There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What game do emo kids hate the most?

Life.

So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire? Ghost Rider.

What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"

I don't know.

Why can’t you yell at a kid?

Because the cops are after you.

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.

Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"

Me and kid: hug.

Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.

What does a middle aged man live in?

A retarded kid he keeps in the van.