Kid jokes
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
What are emo kids' least favorite lollies?
Life Savers.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What does a kid at Epstein Island and MAGA supporters have in common?
They both can't get Trump's dick out of their mouth.
I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.
The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.
I gave a deaf kid AirPods.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
Teacher: "Do you guys want to get in trouble?"
Kid named Teacher: *
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
Emo chick: "I wish I could feel dead inside!"
The kid named Dead: "😄😄😄"
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.