Kid jokes

What did the tree say to the depressed kid?

"Stop hanging around."

You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.

And an exorcism.

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

What did an Arab say to feed his kid?

'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'

What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.

How does a terrorist feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane."

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."

What did the orphan say to the blind kid?\n\n"Hey, we both can't see our parents!"

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

Why was the rapper always late?

Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.

What's a pedo's favorite snack?

Sour Patch Kids.

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

Make a wish.

Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.

Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.