Kid jokes

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

What did an Arab say to feed his kid?

'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'

What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.

How does a terrorist feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane."

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

The humor of this generation of kids shouldn't be called 'brain rot'; it should be called 'brain rape.' I believe most people of this generation that aren't 5-year-olds could agree with me, but my mind and thoughts have been violated by the things that kids these days find funny and entertaining. #SKIBIDDI

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

Make a wish.

Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.

Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

How do you rape a girl?

By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!

When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.

When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.

They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.