Joke

Joke jokes

Orphan

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Orphan

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap till their parents come home.

Baby

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

Mom

Why did your mom cross the road?

Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.

Grandpa

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

Duck

Why was the duck fired from the train station?

He was a bad conducktor!

Outlaw

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted :)

Earth

How does the earth rate its sex?

Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.

If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!

Zoo

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.