Joke jokes
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
What do you call the Christian version of Donald Trump? Holy shit!
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
What do you call a rapper with a cold?
Lil Sneezy.
Sayori: *dies*
Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"
MC: "😨"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...
Michael Phelps can finish a race.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
"What did the mom broom say to the baby broom? Go to sweep!"
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.