Joke jokes
Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
What is the best la?
A koa-la!
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
Guess the joke.
Your girlfriend.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Ukraine will go puff.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
Why can't orphans stand Darth Vader?
Because he's their father.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in milk?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
What do you call a cow with no legs?
(Answer) Ground beef.
Sorry for a bad joke.