Joke jokes
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What car does Hitler drive?
A Fuhrerri.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
What's a rapist's fav position?
Missionary in a dark corner.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
What is the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's dad?
The boomerang comes back.