Joke jokes
Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications.
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.