Joke jokes
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!
All these jokes are pen-ful to read.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
Boner.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.