Job jokes

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?

It couldn't stay on track.

Why did the rapper become a locksmith?

Because he always had the KEYS!

What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?

Unemployed.

What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?

Not getting the job at McDonald’s.

Why did the terrorists crash?

They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.

Lol.

Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?

He was scared to get across.

What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.

What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.

What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."

Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.

Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?

Pant suits.

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.

It’s a job I can see myself doing.

I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."

Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,

"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."

And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."