Job jokes
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.
What do you call an Indian gravedigger?
Digdeep.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it’s a family company.
I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...