Job jokes

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.

What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.

What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?

Pant suits.

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.

It’s a job I can see myself doing.

Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?

He was scared to get across.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."

Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,

"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."

And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."

What’s long and black?

The line at the unemployment office.

UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!

Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?

Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.

Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!

How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.

Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!

Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!

Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!

Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!

Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?

Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?

Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.

Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!

Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!

Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!

Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!

Gwen: He does, you're not listening.

Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!

I saw a kid on the curb. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at the orphanage!

One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!

What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah Bless.