Job jokes

What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah Bless.

One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!

Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?

Orphan: *Sobs* "No."

God, I love working at an orphanage!

Why does Job have an Area 51 head? Because his head is the shape of a 🦖.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to his job at KFC!

If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.

What did the ankle say to the doorman?

You are a nonsense.

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."

I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?

Q: Why did the teacher die?

A: Because he hated his life.

Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."

Her: Eat my ass!

Me: Yes, chef!

What is the biggest fear of firefighters?

Burnout at work.

Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.

Toilet paper: Ya, right.

All then are bad.