Job jokes
I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.
A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?
Want to hear a joke about construction?
Sorry, I'm still working on it.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.
I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.