Job jokes

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.

What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.

What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?

It couldn't stay on track.

What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?

Not getting the job at McDonald’s.

Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?

He was scared to get across.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.

It’s a job I can see myself doing.

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?

Pant suits.

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?

Unemployed.

Why did the rapper become a locksmith?

Because he always had the KEYS!

I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."

Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,

"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."

And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."

What’s long and black?

The line at the unemployment office.

UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!

Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?

Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.

Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!