Job jokes

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.

Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?

Because he was always sitting on the job.

The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."

A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.

Don't steal. That's the government's job.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

Why did the rapper get a job at the bank?

Because he wanted to make some rap deposits!

Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?

Because it is a family company. 😂 😂

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?

They're both inside jobs.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Her: Eat my ass!

Me: Yes, chef!

You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

I made a joke about unemployed people. It didn’t work.