Job jokes

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

My dad has a pretty shitty job.

I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!

What is the biggest fear of firefighters?

Burnout at work.

Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."

Her: Eat my ass!

Me: Yes, chef!

Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.

Toilet paper: Ya, right.

All then are bad.

I went for a walk today, and I did a good job of telling what time it was.

Job sucks. XD

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.

What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?

An Investigator.

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?

A. She didn't know how to swallow.

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"

Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.