Job jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job? Snoozin' B. Anthony!

If possible, I refrain from brunching celebrities. My path is smooth. The table receives the branching.

When I arrived at my friend's house and, after a long time, I was given permission to pick from the branches and graze the dog, I agreed. Then the work begins. "No, no money," I replied, "that's why I'm a burden to the world that hurts me."

And when I told them, they told me and said they were there. If I had a job, I would be fired on the first day for bad behavior. The best solution is to avoid this situation.

Leo must be an INTERIOR DECORATOR... because when she enters a room, it becomes UGLY.

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.

Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors. It’s a job I can see myself doing.

Neona (😟): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!

Gwen (😌): Yeah well, I believe in you.

Neona (😔): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.

Gwen (😠): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!

Neona (😞): UGH fine!!!

Gwen (😉): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!

Neona (😊): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".

Why did the rapper become a plumber?

Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"