INS jokes
What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?
Michelin.
What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
Honestly
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
Why are there so many black men in the NBA that only want to play basketball on a all black basketball team? because they prefer to suck a long and thick big black dick
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
