INS jokes
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
Buy KFC = 1 more orphan in our fryers.
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
What do you call a fat person in a wheelchair?
A broken wheelchair.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.