INS jokes
I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.
F*ck in' the poo.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!
As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”
DAMN YOU PESSI!
Dababy in my dickle trickle when eating my pickle.
Just a pickup line.
"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
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HAHAHAH! You all got April fooled in the wrong month!
What do you call grass that grows in space?
Astro-turf.
Say "I cup" but in words.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Don't hate life, love it because when you want to live and try again in life, it's already too late. :(
What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?
After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?
THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.
Q: Why did Stevie Wonder drown?
A: Because there wasn't a lifeguard in sight.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."