INS jokes
What has four legs and an arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
What's rap boats got in common with plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?
HO HO HO
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?
Orange because they're having a they/them baby.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Once Roblox popped up in my server, be like, "Roblox, what are you doing?"
Me: "What the heck?" Me: "How did I get in your server?"
Roblox: "You've been banned for just cheating!"
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"
In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.
JFK's wife trying to grab his head be like "him in heaven." Why did I marrei her? Welp, time for a devorsin'.
A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."
Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."
Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."
What do you call a cow in a moving van?
A: A mooving cow.
Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.