INS jokes
What do me and an emo kid have in common:
We both like to hang.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.
I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
In England, for every church, there are two pubs.
In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.
What sounds did the Ukraine people make in basketball? Ka-boom!
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What does water see in orphans that they don't? Their parents.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
What do you call it when you are very sad in Panera Bread?
Panera Dread.
Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.