INS jokes
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
What do you call somebody in America that is smart?
An immigrant.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
Why did Technoblade die?
He couldn't respawn in real life!
Teacher: Describe Ukraine history in 3 words?
Student: Ukraine is history!
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.
Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have another pair of balls.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To poo in the toilet.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.
I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."
"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."