INS jokes

Space therapist in between the e and the r.

The rapists!

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.

The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"

The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."

The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."

The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"

The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."

The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can FEEL it!

If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......

Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga

YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.

I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.

What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?

They both have special needs.

What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?

They both only change their pads after every third period!

Do you know the F in "orphan" stands for family?

There is no F in "orphan".

Exactly.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?

Geo dude.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"