INS jokes
What did the woman say to the man?
"Stop."
What did the man do?
Keep going.
FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
No one shuts up about them.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
Who are the fastest readers?
911, they went through 110 stories in 8 seconds.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"
I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."
He asked, "In an orphanage?"
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?
Because he is in a prison cell.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!