INS jokes
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
What do you call an Asian chick with dick in her ass, pushy and mouth?
Filipino.
Did you know that Helen Keller has a swing in her backyard?
Neither did she.
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
So true
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”
The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
What do you call a dwarf in a drawer?
Gay.
I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."
What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Roses are red, violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there with you, But not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
If people who live in Canada are Canadians, I mean if they drink Fanta, they’re fantastic.
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.