INS jokes
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?
It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
The F in orphans stands for family...
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!