INS jokes
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
What do a blonde and a cow have in common?
They're both fat af.
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
who else
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
How do you plan a party in outer space?
You planet.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."
And then the wall fell on them.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.