INS jokes
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.