INS jokes
My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
Landing on its feet won't help a cat in China...
"Ethan is gay," you say that, but first, who asked? And second, where's your mum at? Correction, where's your family, so how dare you? Now in the comments say sorry, or I'm coming for you! 😡😡😜😝
Q: What's red and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
In America, you find Waldo.
In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.
What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?
Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eyed deer.
What do u call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no eyed deer.
What do u call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls? Still no f*#$in eyed deer.
How many feet are in feet?
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
Happy birthday to you, you look like a ball, can’t fit in my jaws, I try to suck it.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."