INS jokes
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids turn them on.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
You watch 50 Shades of Grey, and you turn grey in bed.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?