INS jokes
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
What do girls and your hairline have in common? They are both receding.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class and I said, "Man, they are really bad at Jenga!"
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Boy: The F in orphan stands for family.
Orphan: But there’s no F in orphan.
Boy: Exactly!
What is a neonatal's first time in the world?
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).