INS jokes
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
The Twin Towers are like Angry Birds in real life.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?
They both smell like "Teen Spirit."
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.
Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...
In A minor.
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
If you really think about it, every market in Africa is a black market.