INS jokes
Yo mama's so ugly, even the kid in the wheelchair ran.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
Where do rape victims live?
In kennels.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
SMG4 Mario be like in Ohio: I don’t wanna do this...
Candice everyone: Candice?
Mario: CAN DEEZ NUTS FIT IN YOUR MOUTH!
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.
What is the smallest skyscraper in the world? The World Trade Centre.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
What do you call six gay people in a war? Rainbow Six Siege.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
Why did Technoblade die?
'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"