INS jokes
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
exactly
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5